Here are some songs that may help guide you in this topic of having some basic standards when it comes to have any kind of relationships with men.
What do you need?
Have you ever actually wondered what do you want from a man or another person at all? Like… really, what is it that you really need from them? is it love? just sex? attention? appreciation? respect? companionship? a relationship status? marriage? children? stability? all of those together? none of those?
Well, now it’s the time you can actually have a serious think about it. The sooner you do come up with it the better.
But actually, not needing a man is the smartest thing a woman can do for herself.
To want and to love a man is ok, but to need a man, that it’s a complete different thing.
A strong self reliant woman who is emotionally healthy and financially free doesn’t need a man. Period. She may want him if he respects her, brings her joy and pleasurable life experiences they can both share together. The world is full of people who is going to disrespect you, treat you wrong, use you and abuse you if you allow it (consciously or unconsciously). What is rarer though is to find someone who will appreciate you just the way you are, cherish you, love you for who you are and respect you.
Learning what qualities makes such a person will allow you to recognize the opposite and be able to act on it as soon as you spot the first red flags. But also, being yourself what you are seeking in a man, will grant you great success in this field, as the moment someone is not putting effort in a relationship with you you will be able to notice and detach easier from that person.
But regardless of whether you are a fully independent woman or not yet, chances are that if you survived being single at any given time of your life, trust me, you do not need a man, so do not let anyone convince you of the opposite.
Respect yourself – Don’t go for Second Best
A very old tune but still spot on when it comes to setting up standards. If you feel like you’re not the only one in his life or he’s not making serious concrete plans, avoid that guy, you deserve their best effort or none at all.
Set a specific time span for them to make a move
Another old classic I actually didn’t pay much attention to the lyrics when it came out, but now I totally get it…
“If you wanna get with me better make it fast, now don’t go wasting my precious time, get your act together, we could be just fine”.
We women somehow know when it’s too much or when it’s too little time to show interest in you, a guy who really really likes you doesn’t take longer than a few hours to text you back or for the first time after you two first met and swapped phone numbers. Some players may do… and that’s how you know they are players or simply not interested. And guess what? you should not develop feelings for neither of them. You want a man who acts like a man and pursues you straight away scared that other men might find you as attractive and steal his chance to make a move on time. Period. The rest not even worth thinking of, so you might as well remove them of your mind, social media, etc. If they like you enough they will come back to you, trust me on this one.
Keep it pure but Hot AF
I didn’t even know what she meant with this song when it first came out … now I do totally understand it… and I can totally relate.
If you aim to have a serious loving and committed relationship with a particular man then you need to make that man wait. Yes. Why?
Well, first of all you need to see if you really like that man, and you can’t tell unless he really has some opportunities to actually display himself in a wide range of opportunities, so you can see how he interacts with other people, how does he treat the waiter, how long can he keep the courtship going without complaining, does he make plans for you two? does he buy you meaningful gifts? too many too soon, red flag, none at all? red flag, In the meantime you can also test him out on patience and respect, like… how well is he handling the fact of not having had sex yet?. If you don’t want a serious relationship keep reading, more on that topic below.
Don’t let them in your head… until
Whether you want a long term relationship or not, you ought to think smart… make sure they can love you softly or ravish you harshlsy, just the way you want it, depending on your preferences when it comes to sex. And then … only then… you can more or less relax and enjoy the connection. Needless to say, if you feel pressured to have sex, don’t have it. Just do it when it feels biologically good to do so.
You need to find out if you’re a good match in that department in the sense of wanting it too often, not often enough, are quickies ok? do you need a lot of foreplay? do you need a set amount of encounters? slow and soft or fast and rough? kinky or vanilla? whatever you like you need to ensure you two are both on the same page. And yes, I seriously encourage you to do so before you get attached emotionally to him at all.
Let the games begin
Most women just take the first guy that pays them some kind of attention, it’s as if they were attention starved. And they get physically and emotionally involved with them because they haven’t had sex in a while and they feel the physical urge. But trust me, rarely any relationship like this leads to any amazing sex or relationship. Unless you’re truly confident you can detach easily, as Kylie confesses does in her song. Then you can let the games begin and have tons of fun. In fact, the more you go out just to have fun with someone who seems to meet your basic standards the better you will feel just flirting and having fun whilst you figure them out. If a guy comes along, make him sweat to get to you… even for several nights. Guys won’t admit it but they enjoy a good chase. Don’t feel the urge to have their phone numbers or a way to contact them, if the guy likes you enough they will do whatever it takes to get it, and if he doesn’t… is that guy worth your intimacy anyway? I think one could be better off masturbating than having sex with wishy washy guys who are not that much into you.
One night stands – Friends with Benefits
Hehe and if really all you need is sex, regardless with whom Pink also has standards on how to choose a good one for that purpose! lol.
Please, beware, some guys will actually fall in love with a woman who shows very little to not inclination at all to want a committed relationship with them as Kylie mentions above. It’s like they feel offended for being treated the way they were intending to treat you. So yeps, they may throw some shade your way, trying to accuse you for being a slut or a whore like those fuckboys are.
Even for friends with benefits you need to set an standard of how often or how exclusive your encounters will be. Like.. what is the point of having a lover who is miles away? be objective and clear and talk it all out before you even consider dating such guys again. Unless you just really want to hook up randomly with someone you do not wish to see ever again. Fuckboys are most likely to like you more if you do not give a flying fuck about them, so be warned, you may hurt their egos by not chasing them back.
When a man talks to you in a way that seems a bit off right from the start… don’t date them again, don’t give them your phone, don’t allow them on your social media. Unless you want to be treated that way in the future again by that person. But honestly, if it starts that way, it will not end any better. No matter how handsome or appealing the guy might be, make no allowances for when it comes to disrespect, what you allow in your life will continue.
Make sure he’s really into you
Rihanna says it all on that song… and yeps, that’s a basic standard for a one night stand guy, and yes,.. guys who actually meet such a standard are the only ones who might be able to keep treating you like the only one for plent more nights or as long as you want to keep that relationship going. If he seems flirting with two or three that night he’s not your type. So why even let that one in your bed?
Seek for Integrity
I don’t share. Nor do I steal. Although I firmly believe a man can’t be stolen without his consent. However, I don’t date guys who are taken because it’s one of my basic standards. In the past, I wasn’t so smart. I was flattered so and so liked me, and I was naive enough to think if he hitted on me or was flirting openly with me it meant he was single. Wrong.
These days I totally avoid dating cheaters and catching up feelings for guys I suspect they are in a realtionship, why?
Because integrity means doing the right thing even when no one is looking. If they don’t do it to their girlfriends, they won’t do it to you, either! ;D
I quite recommend you to add integrity among the desirable traits you need a man to have and I strongly recommend you making it a trait of yours too, you can’t demand in someone something you do not have going on for yourself. I mean, you can, but it’s not going to work in the long run if you don’t share the same life values.
Make no time for Suckers
Another song from Marina which I’ve just discovered puts it clear and plain to see.
You can recognize a sucker online easily. E.g. He will send a friend request, and will just invest just a two or a five letter word to initiate conversation, won’t even check your profile, they won’t like any of your pictures, comment on any of your posts, etc.
By prioritizing your life and your goals first you are more able to recognize suckers and keep them at bay. When you take your time seriously and you have many goals to accomplish you have not much time left to entertain people who do nothing for you and bring no value to your life. So when you have goals to achieve you will have less time to be available for dates with these guys. The fact that those goals could lead you to economical independence and success will soon make you realize if a guy adds value to your life or not.
Make Them want to run to the hills
So I am not afraid to send them away with such a warning as the song below. I’m stingy with my time, that’s for sure. The suckers are usually cowards and the might feel threatened, those they won’t come back.
However… be aware some real life suckers like a challenge.
And yes. I’m not scared of ending up alone. I think I’ve been wanting to be alone for as long as I can remember age 19. but then it’s like my value for them increased the less I wanted to be with them.
And yes, I’m only talking from what I have experienced several times only. This has happened to me four times already.
This also has happened for friends who did not want a relationship. It is bound to happen when you really love yourself enough to be genuine, honest, straight forward, respect yourself and have all the standards above in place. You suddenly become like the one who has blown their mind away because they had never experience anything in their entire lives before like they’ve done with you. “I thought what love was until I met you” you may get even by 40 year olds. So I’m not talking about guys with short love lives or experiences. But yes. I seem to have that effect on men and I’m also scared to hurt those who can smell my worth and pretend to just not want anything with me but just end up just as heart-broken. Because when I say I don’t want a relationship, I really mean it.
If you’re one of my wild women, once they get to know you better they won’t want to get out of your life or lose you. But they do when they start slacking or as soon as you keep growing and your standards keep getting higher and higher for them to keep you remotely interested or motivated.
So I would strongly recommend you that once you implement these standards in your dating life you become very picky and demand that they earn every inch of your body before you even get them to bed.
By ensuring they have all the qualities you want in a man. It doesn’t matter if the guy meets 80% of your criteria to make it to your ideal partner, if you notice they have some flaws you know are totally incompatible to what you need to put up with in the long run, then it’s a “no-no”. Doesn’t matter if they are rich, good looking husband material or whatever…. if it’s not a perfect match… don’t waste your time nor theirs.
I know meeting all my criteria it’s virtually impossible and that’s why the bar is so high. I don’t want to get entertained by any men at the moment.
And yes. I know… the guys have to be a little crazy to wanna want me… that’s ok. I don’t like ordinary men anymore.
Choose only among the Winners
Among my standards I have this one which I will seriously recommend you also have.
That is that the man has to have a life of their own, own their own place or be able to rent it comfortably, and also that he enjoys himself with or without people, enjoying doing his own passions, running his own business or really enjoying his career or job.
It is not a material thing, these days one should invest time and effort in good men who can handle life well. ;D
I know that a man with such qualities may not allow much time together and that’s why relationships with people like that are so amazing. The little time that you’ll get to spend together should feel like pure bliss, especially with a winner who knows how to make a woman feel special and treat her to new and original experiences, be that booking a dinner out for no apparent reason, surprise you on your birthday, book some surprise weekend get-aways, etc and be a man who really enjoys doing it.
You won’t have to search, he’ll recognize you when you come along and he’ll pursue you even if he has to insist plenty of times on taking you out. Don’t you worry ;D
Demand Proofs of It
You don’t need to ask them… their actions speak for themselves.
Because believe it or not it seems the higher you set your standards the higher the quality of men you attract. And high quality men always go the extra mile to prove their interest in you, because they want to win you over.
Don’t let them in your head… until
Before you actually fall in love or develope any real emotions and feelings for him… you ought to think smart… make sure they can love you or ravish you just like the way you want. And then … only then… you can more or less relax and enjoy that relationship. 😀
Don’t be Easily Impressed
And no, we women do not need to look like Shania to set our standards high and be clear on what you want and refuse to pay any attention to any guy who doesn’t meet them.
Nothing belongs more to you than those you give freedom to do whatever they want yet they keep coming back to you. If a man is trying to keep you under control, please know that man is not confident enough to handle a woman who has her own passions and interests besides the relationship. It goes the same way for guys.
And guess what? when an intelligent man finds a woman who lets them be themselves… doesn’t need nor demand constant attention/appreciation because she’s too busy focusing on her own life and goals and avoiding drama that guy is going to go crazy for you. But for that you ought to be confident enough to let them go all the time, if they keep coming back then perhaps you’ve found the one.
Guys totally dig these women, please notice song below… they’ll think they’ve found a diamond in the rough, as most women become overly dependent of a man’s love attention and appreciation.
Purpose of your life it’s to live a life… not finding a man.
Remember that…. and put the photo below as your status update if you dare… I bet some guys will feel challenged by it and want to show you how amazing they can be. ;D
And it’s impossible that once you have all those standards in place you’ll get to meet any losers or game players, but you will now be able to recognize them quicker.
And if you want to be single to focus on your new life and work, gosh, be careful, because guys may step up naturally to meet all your new standards and conditions to date you, and when they do, they may make you feel confused between your goals of being single and your keeping that guy on a regular basis on your life. 😀